Why Must the Good Die Young? and Other Cliches
by nony0mous
Summary: Enjoy a series of drabbles in which Harry and Co. show why there are cliches.
1. Chapter 1

**I would write a disclaimer here, but I seriously doubt that J. K. Rowling herself will turn up on my doorstep demanding that I pay for violating the copyright Harry Potter has over his head.**

**And I see I am correct. J. K. has not come to my doorstep.**

**Instead, her lawyer came.**

"**Hello, nony0mous. I am Mr. Noname, and it has come to my attention that you are writing a story about-" he checks his notebook. "You are writing a story about Mr. H. Potter. I am afraid that I can't let you do that without killing you. Is that okay?"**

**I consider the options.**

"**If I die, can I visit Voldemort and all of the other people who died over the course of the very violent Harry Potter series?"**

"**Sure."**

"**Yes! May I do the honors?"**

"**Sure."**

"**AVADA KEDAVRA!"**

**Now Mr. Noname is dead.**

**I think it is now safe to say that I don't own Harry Potter.**

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**Cliché: **Why does it take so long for the bad guy to kill the good guy?

* * *

Harry was tied to a grave. There was nothing he could do.

Voldemort was gloating.

"Here lies the poor, defenseless Harry Potter. He may have defeated me multiple times, but this time, he won't. This day will mark the beginning of a new era, and era of which I will be the ruler of."

"You'll never get away with this!" spat Harry. "Dumbledore will come."

"No! That is the special thing about this plan. Dumbledore will never find this graveyard!"

Just then, there was a _CRACK!_ and Dumbledore appeared.

Voldemort cursed.

Then Voldemort cursed Albus. "Avada Kedavra!"

Dumbledore fell down onto the floor.

Harry was shocked, but he didn't show it.

"He wanted to die! He said so in the first book!"

He opened his mouth to say more, but Bellatrix opened her's first.

"Why don't you just kill the boy? We can't wait another three books."

Voldemort decided that this was a good idea. He yelled, almost lazily, "Avada Kedavra!" and the Boy Who Lived was no more.

There was silence.

Voldemort stood there, not believing his eyes. He always knew he was capable of killing the boy, but he never knew that it would happen so soon.

And then he raised his wand and shot a Dark Mark into the sky.

He Apparated to Hogsmeade and went to Hogwarts and showed them Harry's dead body.

"No!"

Ron ran forward, but Voldemort killed him.

"No!"

Hermione ran forward, but Voldemort killed her, too.

"No!"

Neville ran forward.

Voldemort scowled.

"Can someone please explain to this boy that running in front of the Dark Lord isn't a good idea?"

He killed Neville.

"No!"

Luna ran forward.

Voldemort frowned. "Hey, you don't come in until the next book! Is your head full of Nargles?"

Luna shrugged, then killed herself.

"If any of you are left who would like to make a vain attempt at defeating me," shouted the Dark Lord, "you may do so now."

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**Explanation: **J.K. wouldn't make as much money off of four books. And why would you want to make less money?


	2. Chapter 2

**Cliché: **Why must the good die young?

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Harry was sitting in Hagrid's motorcycle when Voldemort appeared.

He shot a spell, and Harry saw that it was heading toward Hedwig.

"Not Hedwig!" he shouted, and leaned to the side so that the spell missed the owl and instead hit the cage. The door was thrown open, and with a screech, Hedwig flew out into the night.

Voldemort felt a weird sensation and realized that something was pecking his neck.

"Get off me, you insufferable bird!" He reached for his wand but saw that Hedwig had eaten it.

Hedwig began to shudder, and with a squawk, a green light came out of her beak and slammed into Voldemort. He was caught by surprise, and he fell out of the sky, down to the ground. He lay still.

Nobody could believe it. The Dark Lord was dead, killed not by the Chosen One, but by his pet.

And everyone was still alive.

Mad-Eye was still alive, Rufus Scrimgeour was still alive, Gregorovitch was still alive, Ted Tonks was still alive, Dirk Cresswell was still alive, Bathilda Bagshot was still alive, Dobby was still alive, Grindelwald was still alive, Wormtail was still alive, Crabbe was still alive, Fred was still alive, Snape was still alive, Lupin was still alive, Tonks was still alive, Colin Creevey was still alive, Harry was still alive, and Bellatrix was still alive.

"Well," growled Moody, "maybe we should celebrate our staying alive by having a party in London!"

The others thought this was a great idea. They went to a club and had a great time and ate food. The eating of the food reminded Harry of Dudley, so he decided to invite his family to celebrate, too.

Unfortunately, that wasn't a good idea. Somebody noticed that all of the food had mysteriously disappeared, and so obviously, everyone blamed Dudley. He was never invited to parties again. He also had a pig tail for the rest of his life.

But they were all alive, and that was a good thing.

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**Explanation: **Um... what the heck, Rowling? Who kills every character in the book for fun?

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**Okay, I'll be updating this if it gets some reviews.**

**Cliches for future chapters are welcome.**

**But meanwhile, you can and should review, because we all have that right.**

**And you wouldn't like to have a pig tail either, would you?**

**So please review.**


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